Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
