FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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