batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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