You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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