: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Randomize
