i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
