Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
