you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
