She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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