The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
