If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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