Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
