This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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