go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
