i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
