I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i barfeds in our rink
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
