This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
