I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
