I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
