Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
