I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
