Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
