You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
