you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
pray to the hookup gods
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
