they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
