So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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