DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
