I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
