Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
