my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
