Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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