omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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