Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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