I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
