Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
