Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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