I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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