We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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