I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
