Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
