Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
