If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
