I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize