Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My feet surprised me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
