you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
