Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Come share oat with me in your robe
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
