just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
