I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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