Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's always time for handjobs
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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