So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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