Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
