The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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