pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
