I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
