Umm I'm too high to move.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
