Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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