Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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