Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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