We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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