apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
