Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
