I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
