using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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