I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
