Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
