I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize