I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
