You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
