there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We need to rekindle our bromance
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
